This information is to help provide young people and their parents and carers with information on relaxation.
Having a health problem or staying in hospital can be stressful for young people and their parents and carers. This page offers some practical advice and tips on how to relax.
What happens when we feel tense from stress?
You might feel tense when you are worried, frightened or just bothered about something that is happening. This means that our bodies can feel uncomfortable and tight. We sometimes get pains in different parts of our bodies when we feel tense.
What do we do when we are feeling tense?
We might find that other people notice that we are feeling tense because of what we say or do. For example, we might argue, cry or shout more than usual.
Being tense can be a useful thing in dangerous situations, so we can react quickly and escape the danger. This is known as the ‘fight or flight’ response.
Lots of things happen to our bodies when this response is triggered, such as a increased heart rate, rapid breathing, muscles getting tense, .
The problem is that sometimes our ‘fight or flight’ response can keep getting triggered into action when we don’t really need it.
What do we do when we are feeling relaxed?
Feeling relaxed is something we do not think about very much. It often just happens to us as we do things like get ready to go to sleep or when we are lying back watching television. We are not usually relaxed when we are using electronics such as our phones, tablets or games because our brains and bodies are alert.
Can you imagine what you feel like just before you go to sleep or when you are waking up? We usually feel quite floppy and do lots of stretches and yawns. These things tell us that our bodies have slowed down. Our bodies need to slow down to rest, and with practice we can learn to relax at other times too.
Why should we care about being tense?
When we feel tense it can make it harder to get on with things that we have to do, like studying or getting through medical treatments. Being tense doesn’t feel very nice and it can get in the way of us sleeping well.
What can we do about being tense?
An important thing about being tense is trying to find out what it is that we are worried about or what is going wrong. However, even when we have done this we can still feel tense and we need to do something to help with that feeling. We need to find a way to feel the opposite of tense, which is to feel relaxed.
What things do you do that make you feel relaxed and would give you a low score on a thermometer?
Different ways to relax 
Imagery based relaxation
We always have our imagination with us wherever we go, which means that we can use it to help us anytime. We can choose what we think about and how we let our imaginations take us to places we feel safe and calm.
For example, think about when you concentrate very hard on a book, film or game and you don’t really notice what is going on in the outside world. Imaginative relaxation works in the same kind of way. Imagine a place where you would feel safe and calm. Some people would choose their bed, a beach or lying beside their pet. You can choose anywhere you like, so long as it is a place you can imagine well. Concentrate really hard on the details of this place and try to imagine yourself there. Think about what you can hear, what you can see and how things would feel in your imaginary safe place.
When you do this your imagination might try to bring you back to things that are worrying you or everyday stuff. This is normal and doesn’t mean that you have to give up. Keep bringing your imagination back to the safe place that you have decided on.
Breathing exercise
We breathe without thinking about it. Sometimes our breathing can feel irregular and we take faster, shorter breaths than we need.
This can make us feel panicky or lightheaded, and is a normal part of the ‘fight or flight’ reaction.
We can use breathing exercises to slow our breathing down. Follow this step-by-step guide:
- Get yourself into a comfortable position.
- Notice your breathing.
- Rest one hand on your chest and one on your stomach.
- Take slow deep breaths through your mouth.
- Notice how your stomach rises as you breathe in and falls as you breathe out.
- This shows that you are breathing from the very bottom part of your lungs.
- Breathe in while you count to two in your head.
- Gently hold your breath while you carry on the count to four.
- Slowly breathe out while you carry on the counting to six.
- Repeat this until you are feeling calmer and less tense.
Physical relaxation
Physical relaxation is a kind of exercise routine to deliberately tense and relax muscles in our bodies in a step-by-step way. You might prefer to do this when you are on your own in a place where you won’t be disturbed.
Follow this step-by-step guide for physical relaxation:
- Get yourself into a comfortable position and take some slow deep breaths.
- Close your eyes if it feels right for you and let worry thoughts float away like sticks floating down a river.
- The aim is to work a muscle group to make it tense, then to let it go floppy and heavy.
- Start with your shoulders, bringing them up towards your ears.
- Notice the tight feeling you have when your muscles are working.
- Let the muscles go floppy quickly and notice how heavy they feel.
- Rest the muscles for a few seconds then do it all again.
Be careful when doing these exercises; do not push yourself too much. If you experience any pain or discomfort stop the exercises.
Arms and hands – clench your fists and push your arms out straight in front of you, then let them rest by your side.
- Legs and feet – push your toes downwards, gently raise your legs and stretch them out in front of you, then let them rest.
- Stomach – push out your stomach muscles, take a breath and hold it, then relax.
- Face – screw up your face to squeeze your eyes tight, push your lips together, then relax.
- Forehead – raise your eyebrows, hold them up high then let them down.
When you have tensed and relaxed these muscle groups, you should notice that your whole body feels relaxed and that your breathing has slowed to a gentler rate.
Spend a few moments enjoying the relaxed feeling that you have created in your body.
You might feel a bit cool because your temperature will have dropped slightly. You might want to put a blanket over you to warm up.
Becoming an expert at relaxing
Learning to relax is like learning to do any new skill, such as riding a bike. The more you practice the better you can get.
You will find that you learn to recognise when your body is getting tense in everyday life, and you will be able to use your new skills to feel calmer and more relaxed in different situations.
Summary
It is common to experience stress when you, or a family member, has a health problem. Learning relaxation strategies and exercises can help with managing stress. Relaxation takes time and practice to learn and the more you do it the more effective it becomes.
This leaflet has been produced by the Department of Psychology in Healthcare. Clinical Psychologists are based at the RVI and Freeman Hospitals. If you have any further concerns about the issues discussed in this leaflet, please discuss these with your GP or medical team.
